(AKA "The Pound-Me-Lasagna")
💀 Warning: This isn’t a dish—it’s a one-way ticket to regret. A hot, sticky, layered mess so filthy you’ll need a shower after. Proceed only if you’re prepared to ruin both your digestive system and your morals.
For the Most Disgusting Foodgasm of Your Life
- 1 lb (450 g) of greasy, throbbing meat
(beef, pork, or the first thing that throbs when you open the fridge)
- 1 jar (about 700 mL) of sticky red sauce
(pasta sauce, or your ex’s marinara-stained regrets)
- 1 box (~250 g) of stiff, uncooked lasagna sheets
(no-boil, because you’re too lazy for foreplay)
- 1 tub (425 g) creamy white ricotta
(or chunky cottage cheese, you degenerate)
- 1 cup (100 g) stringy, melty mozzarella
(you like it gooey, don’t you?)
- ½ cup (50 g) parmesan
(grated up real fine, just how you like it)
- 1 egg (approx. 50 g)
(to bind this sticky mess together)
- ½ tsp (3 g) salt
(just enough to make you thirsty)
- ½ tsp (1 g) black pepper
(a little bit of a kick never hurt anyone)
- ½ tsp (1 g) garlic powder
(keeps people far, far away after eating)
- ½ tsp (1 g) oregano
(to fool yourself into thinking this is “real” food)
- 1 tbsp (15 mL) olive oil
(because lube makes everything better)
Heat a pan, toss in that thick, juicy ground meat, and mash it like it owes you rent.
Break it up, let it sizzle, let the fat render.
Season with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and oregano until it’s dripping with flavor and shame.
Once your meat is cooked and crying, dump in that sticky red sauce.
Stir until everything is hot, wet, and ready to get layered.
In a bowl, mix that creamy white ricotta with the egg.
Stir until it’s thick, smooth, and spreadable (like you after eating this).
Add parmesan and mix until it slaps.
- Slap down a filthy base layer of meat sauce in a baking dish.
- Lay some stiff, dry noodles on top—raw and unapologetic.
- Smother with a thick spread of the ricotta mess.
- Repeat until you're out of ingredients or self-worth.
- Top it all off with a massive, gooey load of mozzarella. Let it spill over. Let it drip.
¶ 5. Shove It in the Oven and Let It Get Hot
Bake at 375°F (190°C) for 40–50 minutes, until it’s golden, bubbling, and practically moaning.
You should let it rest for 10 minutes. But you won’t.
You’ll jam a fork in and sear your tongue on molten dairy lava like the reckless beast you are.
- A broken mirror to stare into while asking, “Why?”
- Tums™ and shame
- A fire extinguisher for your esophagus
This dish is proof that some culinary creations were never meant to exist—but here you are, and now so is this.